« Reality | Main | Today I don't like my job »

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d8345f463e53ef00d834d48c9853ef

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference I'm a lawyer, but I'm not dating:

Comments

Zulu1000

No wonder my ex law school girlfriend dumped me. Coz I am not a lawyer and I am an IT "Professional".

ANP

Hey, I just found your blog and have to say, I really love this post. You have a very nice, warm, friendly voice and it's nice how you walk us through how you've thought about this issue and what you've concluded. I particularly agreed with:

"For one, I want to come first in a man's life. As in, before everything else. And that can be a real challenge with a man who has a demanding job. I think a lot of women can work really hard and strongly desire to excel professionally, but still put a man first, but men who work really hard often seem to value their careers over everything else."

I'm not a lawyer, but many of my friends are, and a man I think is cute is ... much of what you write about is universal. Thanks for sharing it.

Anonymous

Well, I am dating an associate who has very demanding hours at a "big firm". I am also in the industry as a legal secretary/office administrator at another firm here in town. I obviously can understand his demands working for attorneys myself. However, I see him one to two nights a week for a quick meal and maybe one day a weekend. If this relationship is going anywhere more than 5 hours a week of time needs to be spent together. In my opinion, date a guy who is there for you and not an attorney.

SC

Hello!

Nice post... I see myself in it sometimes... Not in the search, because I let that go a long time ago. I didn't believe I could find someone as you described, so I gave into the law thing. I made it my life, and put it first and above all and everything.

But somehow, that "nice, considerate, reliable, trustworthy, loving, romantic, and interested in a committed relationship. And funny." guy found me... (He found this link too) I don't really want to let him go... I feel so lucky...

But life is so demanding of us young lawyers... I feel like I'm loosing him because I'm letting him go... He deserves so much better than I can give him right now...

*sigh*

Good luck. I hope you find the one. Just like I did.

Kat

Hi everyone,

I am so glad I found this block. I have been dating a law partner for year and a half now, and to be honest do not know what to do anymore. Worst of all, he is in international corporate law so most of the time he travels and when he is in town he spends long hours in the office or with his clients. When he is at home he is working or that tired sorry exhausted that is no point to even try make any plans. As much I love him I start feeling abounded, lonely and unhappy, and I can not change.

Katie

Wow, great post! I am a young female associate and this sums up pretty much everything I feel about my dating situation (or lack thereof--I am single). It sucks that the career and status I've worked so hard to achieve is actually a detriment in the dating world.

Ron

Isn't that a "female dog"! A female lawyer takes a man who is not a professional, making a lot of money, to a function and gets judged ("Lawyers are Judges" said an unnamed person). But when a successful male Lawyer takes his Playboy Bunny wife, or his Ex-Hooters' employee wife to that same function, the other male lawyers wants to be his best friends and compliment him on his social prowess.

It's never "settling" if you can find someone to honestly love you unconditionally, support and respects you and admire you. Not everyone could have afforded a college education, and not everyone who has a college education will love and treat you with respect; love doesn't require a college degree; not only a Lawyer can love you the way you deserve to be love. College degrees can be compromised, true love cannot.

Pascal

I don't think being a lawyer is so bad to dating... it's still one of the best professions to do theses days! I once loved a lawyer student girl last year and loved it. Too bad she didn't love me too... like you I think she's obsessed with her work... she's an active member in 3 associations that fights for human rights and is always planning stuff to help society...and she totally hate being in a relationship...

But she did taught me a very important lesson : We are all equals! I am an IT professionnal. I have as much usefulness in society as all of you lawyers, my accountant, the musicians that plays in a band to keep me entertained at a show, the guy that sell food at the supermarket, my cousin which is a farmer, etc.! We are all in this life together, and regardless of our work we are all equals!

So if you find a guy you like and he's a professional or not, why would you even care about the job / status difference? Why would you care about what people think if you love him? With time, you'll find the guy perfect for you! Just keep your smile, live your life to the fullest, and never settle for someone you don't like! And go to places to meet people. Time is not an excuse! There are plenty of mens who would be eager to find an intelligent women like you!

Aayah Guardado

I'll date you! I'm completely fascinated by the mind of a lawyer.

Jo Ann

Hi

I am glad to find this blog...I am going thru what SC wrote above.

Thanks for sharing :)

Jo Ann

Correction :
sorry I mean to say I am going thru what Kat wrote above.

Scott

I can relate to what you're saying since I'm also in a post grad school life of work. I made some good friends in grad school, but like your experience, grad school was not a hot dating ground because many of the people had their own relationships and life. Plus, I'm gay, so that makes 95% of the population unsuitable for returning any romantic interest.

I ran across your blog because I searched for "dating a lawyer" on Google. I was idly wondering why the 3 people that seemed nearest to working out in the past two year were all lawyers.

Lawyer #1 was a nice guy. I think we were both trying to figure out what the other person thought and neither of us were very good at it. I think he wished that I were more politically active and he had some other expectations without really understanding where I was coming from. We both sort of mutually lost touch after a certain point. Sometimes I wonder if I should try contacting him again and if it was all just weird misreading of each others signals, or if we really didn't match.

Lawyer #2 and I didn't have much in common. We tried, but there just wasn't much of a connection on an interests/emotional level. We could talk about things, but after a few dates we ran out of interesting things to say and it was a bit forced.

I just met lawyer #3. He seems promising though it's been strictly platonic so far. Maybe that's good since the romance prospects can make things weird. Also, talking with him didn't seem as forced as with #2 or as activist-expectation-laden as with #1.

My theory is that I keep ending up dating lawyers since we both have similar levels of education and we can both talk intelligently and string more then 4 words together into coherent sentences. It seems like many people (especially on the internet) can't.

Though my lawyer-dating experiences don't sound all that fantastic, I promise they are better than the other ones.

A typical non-lawyer date experience: The guy is quite a bit older than me and works in a low paying job as a hotel clerk. It's not that I'm being elitist, it's just that we don't connect on even a basic level since our backgrounds are so different. His free time is spent watching "reality" tv and reading People Magazine. Not much intellectual life or vigor there. He just wants me to put out, even though we could barely find a thing to say. Meanwhile I was hoping for at least a little bit of some kind of a connection before hopping into bed.

So the lawyers start looking really good compared to the other dates. I'm not lawyer stalking, really. #1 and #2 found me. So maybe I'm actually being stalked by lawyers.

If you know why I would keep randomly meeting lawyers, let me know.

And by the way, I've tried outside activity group and haven't really had luck meeting anyone there either.

Good luck.

Thelma Louise

SC - You are lucky !
I wish to have partner, boyfriend like that. Busy with his own life !
I run my own business, don’t have to much time to waste . My dream is to have man which is busy enough, which can spend with me one - maybe few nights per week + one afternoon. That’s it.
All my previous - they try to have my attention every day and... I m to busy and ... I m frustrate that I m not compatible with any man, that I can’t give them what they expect from “real woman”
If looks like it’s still some hope for me :)
Thelma Louise

Jax

I am happy to have found this blog and others' comments to know im not alone! I am dating an associate at a large firm and he has been working 90+ hours a week. Besides the fact that I hardly EVER see him anymore, I feel like the lack of sleep and life outside of his office is making him go crazy! I feel like he has shut himself off to me and made himself emotionally unavailable. I am trying to not take it personal and not be selfish and know that he is doing this so that we can have a great future together some day.... but if we ever get to that point... he has also warned me about this, and says its impossible for him to keep girlfriends because of his insane schedule. Im starting now to see why. I am very upset because we are really in love and he is absolutely the kind of guy i want to marry (when hes not married to his work). Does this ever change? Is it worth being patient and waiting for them to "make partner" and hopefully suddenly have more time for me?

Alina

"I want to come first in a man's life. As in, before everything else. And that can be a real challenge with a man who has a demanding job. I think a lot of women can work really hard and strongly desire to excel professionally, but still put a man first, but men who work really hard often seem to value their careers over everything else. Similarly, a lot of men think if their jobs are demanding, they can't have outside interests, except maybe football. "

----How true. I' m glad I found this blog. I'm only a 1L in law school, but I realized that dating a law student is even hard! I was dating one earlier this year, but he eventually realized that school would be his only priority for three yrs. I strongly disagree. Law students/lawyers need that something outside of school/work that helps us relax and rejoin the real world once in awhile. Yes, it was nice to have someone who understood everything that I was going through because we were in the same class and had the same tests and what not to deal with, but in the end school is school, no matter how demanding it may be. Everyone needs an outlet, one that does not include zoning out in front of the tv while watching basketball or getting drunk with ur buddies.
So, yes I understand the importance of putting school first, which is why it made sense to break it off, but I don't exactly want to "understand" all future relationships. I want to be put first in the mind of my significant other, and it maybe hard to find that in a law student/lawyer.

Maybe I should meet a med student? =)..... sigh...

Mica

First off, I want to say & shout to the world I have a boyfriend who's a lawyer! But then I get the looks of "why would a lawyer wnat to be with you?" I met my guy years ago when he first started school. But I was always in a relationship and he said he would wait for his chance to be with me. We lost touch but ran into each other a few times throughout the years before we finally hooked up. His reason? He looked into my eyes and saw the kind sweet person I truly am. No lie! I am. I got a little taste of what it would be like to date a lawyer because his summer job was as a construction worker with 12-16 hr shift's. I figured I'd stick it out with him since he's wanted to be with me from so many years. But boy was it HARD. A lot of rough patches that had to be smoothed out, little to no date nights, or physical intimacy. Patience was a test for me. To this day it's still a stuggle but the thought of NOT having him in my life @ all, saying "I love you's" hurts more than being single or alone.
Love isn't easy, it requires a lot of work, patience and endurance. Especially with a lawyer. Keep your head up! Look to the future and the accomplishments his career will produce for humanity. It will be worth it.

injury attorney west palm beach

Well, being a lawyer is such a good thing!

Josh

countryside dating

I was a teacher yet I got into a lot of dates with nice women until I met the girl of my dreams whose later became my wife. No matter what course or job you take you still have to date because dating is dating and it doesn't matter what or who you are as long as you're both happy about it.

Sunrise

Very interesting read. I'm a former journalist writer-editor, who's now into consular work. I recently met online a lawyer apprentice, specializing on patent and copyright issues. I live in Asia while he's in New York. The 12-hour difference can be quite a struggle so for now, what we have regularly are weekends.
I don't know how far and serious and committed this relationship would go, but I think the guy is smart, attractive and has a good sense of humor -- and get into an argument, he pleads his cases very well, too.
To make things work, maybe it's just a matter of having that level of commitment and understanding for the other's profession and ongoings in his/her life.

Suave.Siren

Great blog!! I'm a law student and prefer dating bankers as they know about numbers, something I have no clue about. They have similar encompassing jobs so they'd understand when something comes up with you etc. however I also think that distance is very healthy for a relationship cus you dont become dependant on a person for your happiness and since the time is limited, you dnot take it for granted and always appreciate your time together...its my experience anyways! :) Keep writing!

The comments to this entry are closed.